Keep Perspective in Hard Times.

Buffalo News article and interview with Scott Scanlom

Scott: It feels like the heavens, the world and our fellow citizens have been dumping all over us during the last two years. The pandemic. Racial strife. Gun violence. Political discord. Political violence. Authoritarian threats from within and without. War. This on top of the broken relationships, economic, social and cultural inequities, abuse, sickness and death common through even the modern age. Truly, how do we even get through the day?

A: It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed with what’s happening in the world right now. Keep in mind that our nervous system can’t always differentiate between a crisis we are hearing about and one that we are experiencing personally. That is because human beings are empathetic by nature.

I don’t think our brains have evolved as quickly as the technology around us. We aren’t equipped to hear about tragedy and suffering several times a day. It’s important to take breaks. Wiggle your toes (literally) and check in with yourself in this moment. Are you okay right now? Are your worries in the future or are they here now? Feeling unsafe and being unsafe are two different things. If you are safe; remind your brain of that.

Balance the “bad” with good news. Look for it. Better yet, do it. People are wired for prosocial behavior. Meaning; when we do good things for others or even watch someone do good for others, our brain actually releases reward chemicals.

Overconsumption of suffering can lead to skewed conclusions about the world. When I first worked in addiction treatment, I thought everyone in the world was an alcoholic. The conclusions I hear often are “the world is falling apart”. There is one part of that sentence that is objectively true: the world is. The world just is and people attach meaning to it. Sometimes the best thing to do in times of heightened stress is suspend judgment and wait before you draw any conclusions. If actions can be taken, of course we take them.

 In Buddhist psychology, they call this equanimity or a state mental calmness and neutrality regardless of external circumstances. This doesn’t mean that we accept what we can and should change. We still focus on what we can do to make our lives better or prepare for difficult times. However, ruminating about things, we have no control over is futile. It leads to feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, anger, and control. Most of all though, it won’t change anything. Much of the suffering people experience is resisting what is.

Ironically, letting go reduces our need to cling and allows access to more creative solutions. We have lost touch with our innate wisdom. Modern humans have existed for hundreds of thousands of years. We have survived this long. We seem to always find a way, together.

Scott: What signs do you see that many folks have gone off the rails?

Anger. Increased substance abuse. Divisiveness. Pointing out hypocrisy in others and ignoring it in oneself. Extremism; especially politically and ideologically. Seeing people as adversarial. All or none thinking which is considered a thought error in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, where a person takes complex situations and breaks them down into good or bad. It’s happening a lot right now. There’s an egocentric quality in this belief, in that people are assuming the way that they are thinking is the correct way, forgetting that are 7 billion other opinions out there.

Most struggles can be distilled down to fear and a lack of trust in life. Fear is universal. It is part of being human. When I see someone being aggressive in public; I think to myself “they are afraid”. I can relate to that.

Scott: What have been the most common concerns and challenges those who come to your practice have faced during the pandemic?

A. People seem to feel off and not themselves. Experiencing a lack of joy. What used to work for them isn’t working for them now. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing though. Life changes and sometimes rapidly. Our brain doesn’t automatically do a software update. Sometimes we need to take a step back and ask ourselves why we are doing what we are doing and if it’s working. We can ask what lesson might be here for me or for us all?

What most trauma therapists know is that people feel worse when the traumatic event is over, not when its happening. When its happening, we go into survival mode. It might be uncomfortable but our brain knows what to do. It’s when things go back to normal and we feel like we can breathe again, when the emotion comes flooding in. Just recognizing that can make put into context how we feel. You might notice that something that came easy to you a couple years ago feels insurmountable to you today. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you it might just feel like there is something wrong. We are recovering and it takes time. 

Scott: What are the top messages and encouraging tips you have shared?

 A: Focus on what we can control. Do everything you can to make your corner of the world a better place. Focus on growth and inner work during trying times. Ask yourself what internal resource would be most useful to get through this and focus on building that. Think about a time you were able to get through something challenging. We are stronger than we think.

Even during crisis, the essence of life still remains. It’s my lifeline and how I stay grounded. No matter what, it’s always there. Whether you call that God, the Universe, your Higher Self or life itself; I believe that connection is always available. Personally, there’s a direct correlation between how much faith I have in that force and how peaceful I feel in my life.

Talk to people and talk about how you feel. Our culture can be polished at times. Struggling can be viewed as weakness so we don’t share it. But because we don’t share it, we can’t discover that everyone probably has felt the way you do. Everyone seems fine but it doesn’t mean they are. Be bold and open up the dialogue.

Life prevails. There is evidence of that all around. Look at the grass growing through the cracks of the sidewalk. Without fail, the sun comes up and goes down every single day. We are part of that same life force.

Scott: You say our brain is wired for survival, not being happy. How does that typically work for humans? How has it worked for many folks the last two years?

Part of our brain is continuously monitoring for signs of danger and indicators of safety. Those cues come from our outer and internal environments. If our inner world is filled with fear, anxiety, depression, or exhaustion, our brain looks for reasons we feel that way. Regardless if it’s true or not, our brain will find a reason. The mind would rather have an inaccurate conclusion than no conclusion at all. Unfortunately, our brain is wired to perceive stress and danger more than experience happiness and calmness. Fortunately, we can play an active role in where we focus our attention. Like the wise bumper sticker says: “don’t believe everything you think”.

Some people are prone to blaming themselves and others are prone to blaming others. Sometimes how we feel is blameless. We just have to work with what we have. Slow down. Focus on managing your emotion. Talk to people you trust. Practice calming activities if you are feeling anxious. Practice engaging and active activities if you are chronically exhausted or shut down. Behavior is the best predictor of a persons beliefs and emotions.

Scott: Non-attachment helps? What is it? How does it work?

Non-attachment is a component of mindfulness. It is not a way to avoid problems in our life or the world. It can certainly be abused. It is a way to reverse our minds need to cling to certainty and place our expectations onto life. The truth is; we don’t always know what is going to happen, and whether something good or bad will come of it. As Mark Twain put it “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened”.

Scott: This seems like a pretty tight box. Should we live in like this all the time? It seems hardly possible. When is it handiest?

Equanimity and non-attachment are tools. If you take it to its deepest level and assume that we are spiritual beings or consciousness itself living on a physical plane, this practice can be used to re-member who and what we are. We walk around the world differently when we can remember that we are in it but not of it.

It’s also a great tool for when we are taking life too personally or seriously. It is a way to usher in balance and levity. Young children have access to equanimity naturally. They are awestruck over life. Everything is new. Their brains aren’t predicting tragedy around every corner. They are in the moment.

Scott: How can we move forward? What steps can bring us into greater balance and well-being?

Steps we can take are managing how we feel. That looks different for everyone. Our brain craves problem solving but sometimes it just craves problems. Luckily people aren’t just their thoughts. We are the conscious awareness that listens to those thoughts. They call this Meta-Cognition. Focus on getting back to yourself. Think about the type of world you would like to be a part of and act accordingly. If people focused on solutions more than problems, change would happen more quickly. Behaviors are one of the best predictors of a person’s emotional well-being. Take a quick inventory of your behavior. If you aren’t doing anything to improve your mental, emotional, physical or spiritual health; start there.

Scott: If we are struggling and fear a crisis, where should we turn?

In my opinion, this is the best time for some inner work. Whether that is therapy or picking up that self-help book your friend gave to you a few years ago. Make time for it. If you are really busy; make even more time for it.

Scott: How can a mental health counselor help?

Therapy helps to sort out our own thoughts and emotions. It can also facilitate the necessary inner work that helps people evolve and get through challenges without growing bitter and resentful at life. Crisis or trauma can produce parts of us that we didn’t know existed. Not all trauma leads to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. One key factor involved in that process is returning to a felt-sense safety following the traumatic event. One way to get there is to talk about it with someone trained in that work. 

Scott: Who or what else can provide greater enlightenment?

 As stress and life demands increase it can lead to burnout if it goes too long. It’s gone on too long. It’s normal when feeling burned out to not want to engage in your life as much. Mood-based behavior leads to a similar mood. This may sound over simplified but sometimes behaving the opposite can change our mood. If we don’t feel like going for a walk, go anyways. If we want to isolate, force yourself to make a phone call or get a cup of coffee with a friend. Healthy close relationships are one of the biggest predictors of contentment across all age groups. Focus on the people in your life. 

Anything wellness-related and self-care. That might be a spiritual teacher, church, yoga community, chiropractor and other prevention and wellness practitioners. Healthy nutritious foods, exercise, time in nature, hobbies and passions, can all facilitate a return to calmness in our body.