4 Myths about Anxiety

If you are familiar with my philosophy and approach to therapy, then you probably know that I do not love the term mental health. Ironic, I know, since I am a therapist. The term Mental Health can be dehumanizing and often comes with stigma attached.. We talk about it as if some people have it and some do not. All of us have mental health. It is part of being human. I like the think that I work in the field of human experience.

Part of being alive is suffering, stress, an exhausted central nervous system, and that scary word: anxiety. I often describe anxiety as a clinical term for fear. Fear is something we all face during our lives. Fear and Anxiety can manifest in many forms: worrying about the future, ruminating and obsessive thoughts, sleeplessness, restlessness, apprehension, dread, irritability, hypervigilance (jumpy), nail biting, etc. It is said that, roughly 18% of the adult population (40 million people) are affected by anxiety every year. If so many people experience symptoms of anxiety—one would think we would all be talking about it.

The truth is—it’s scary to talk about and admit when we’re struggling. The problem is the more we keep it in, the more we feel ashamed and alone. By opening up to a few people we can trust, it is likely that they will have experienced something similar. Shame and secrecy go hand-in-hand. One can’t seem to exist without the other. Maybe things could look different, if we all become more honest. Maybe we can even normalize just being human and all of the messiness that comes with it.

Among the misconceptions of mental health in general, here are just a few specific to anxiety.

Myth # 1: There is something wrong with me if I feel anxious. 

The truth is that anxiety can be a natural response to a perceived threat or challenge. Your body is providing fuel in the form of hormones and neurochemicals to accomplish the task in front of you. Completing the task in front of you may relieve the built-up anxiety and return to baseline. However, not all stressors can be completed in this moment; like finances, a disagreement with your partner, a pandemic, social or political discord. and general work stress. A never-ending to-do list may result in low levels of anxiety based purely on our biology. Recognizing this can help us let go of the need to work harder to make these feelings go away. Radical Acceptance is a great tool for this kind of anxiety. Taking breaks is vital.

Sometimes the feeling of anxiety and excitement can be the same, but the interpretation can be very different. For example, when I would conduct public speaking earlier in my career, I would feel anxious (therapists feel it too). After a quick reframe, I was able to interpret the nervousness as energy to perform. I transformed that nervous energy into excitement and found a love for public speaking.

Anxiety can also be a natural response to a past threat or a post-traumatic stress response. This occurs when our body continues to provide fuel (adrenaline) to fight, flight, or freeze even after the threat is gone. Your body and brain remember the threat, and try to keep you safe. For this type of anxiety; trauma counseling like EMDR or other evidence-based trauma therapies can be extremely helpful. It is easy to be angry and your body and mind when it does this. Just remember that it is trying to help. It just hasn’t recognized the environmental cues for safety. Remind it as often as you can that you are now safe.

People aren’t typically sharing their fears and anxiety openly, but rather suffer in silence and feel alone. As a result, we may compare our feelings on the inside to other people’s outsides (people often appear outwardly calm). We may start to feel like everyone around us looks relaxed and confident and may feel like we are doing something wrong. We can’t see that others may be experiencing the same thing, and we aren’t that different. 

Myth # 2: Anxiety needs to go away in order for me to live my life. 

The truth is—if you wait for anxiety to go away in order to be social, to go to the gym, to ask the person out, to go see a therapist, to do anything; you may wait forever. Often, anxiety leads to avoidance and avoidance leads to more anxiety. This cycle can lead to a life led by mood-based decisions and behaviors more than value-based decisions and behaviors.

 When we act from our feelings like anxiety or depression, we tend to feel more of the same. Example: “I am anxious and worried about going to a social gathering. I am going to skip it.” This will most likely lead to more feelings of anxiety when the next social gathering comes around.

 When we act in accordance with our values; we are moving in the direction of what we want, despite how we might be feeling in that moment. Example: “my value is friendship and healthy relationships, so despite my fears of feeling anxious at the party, I am still going to go.” Ironically, this leads to a reduction of anxiety because you have challenged yourself, felt the fear, and (hopefully) survived. If you try this one, remember to be patient and kind to yourself! Value-based living often leads to more fulfillment.

Myth # 3: Anxiety and mood swings come out of nowhere. 

The truth is that anxiety does come with some warning signs if you to pay attention. When you look at anxiety through the lens of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) you will see the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. According to CBT: first a thought arises: “they don’t like me”. Then there is a feeling: sad, depressed, alone, fear, anxious, hurt, etc. Then there is a behavior: isolation, not reaching out to people or picking up their calls. The thoughts create the feelings that influence the behaviors, that confirm the original thought (read that again). We can stay stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Challenging the thoughts can lead to a reduction of the emotion. Quick tip: put the thought on trial. Would a jury of its peers convict that thought? Is there any evidence against that thought?

Myth # 4: Anxiety is a life-long sentence/diagnosis. 

Anxiety, even when a clinical diagnosis is met, can be a temporary experience based on infinite factors like work stress, relationship struggles, maladaptive coping skills, trauma, hormones, thyroid, vitamin deficiencies, environmental toxins, and the list goes on! I have worked with countless people that received a diagnosis of anxiety and speak about it like it is a permanent illness and the explanation for all of their ailments. Anxiety can be a chronic (but often manageable) experience. However, for many people, with the proper support in place, it can get better!

In conclusion: coping with it.

This is by no means an exhaustive or even a full list of ways to cope but here are just a few of my favorites: phone a friend to vent or to get a prospective check. Take some deep belly breaths (push your stomach out when you breathe—this tells your nervous system that it can relax). Distract yourself and come back when you feel more grounded. physical exercise, even if it is a short walk. Ask yourself “what would I be doing or thinking about, if I didn’t have to focus on this? Ask yourself what the feeling trying to tell you; sometimes sitting with what makes us uncomfortable can be worth it.

Like the Zen saying goes “no mud, no lotus”.